Anticipate

I was trying to figure out why a new year felt so essential. Perhaps it was thinking back on all the struggles that 2013 had, which was less than pleasant. I'm not going to pretend like my last year was some magical bliss because I've found so much more good comes from honesty. And the last year felt like my own personal hell at times. Yet I am so thankful for what God has taught me, and how much He has strengthened me because of it. It is only by His grace and His goodness that I can look back and praise Him. 

We all love the idea of having a fresh start, a clean slate, new beginning. It feels great to set new goals and resolutions, and remind ourselves who we are and who we want to be. Hope springs up from a desolate, frozen tundra when the new year comes around. 

But if your anything like me, in a few months you might find yourself really struggling to stay motivated, or stay true to what you set out to accomplish. In March I'll feel like I need another "new year" already. Sometimes we change what we want, or find something better to work towards. And sometimes it is just a matter of refocusing on what is important, and climb back up. 

So on New Years Eve I sat sulking, wondering why I was stuck ringing it in with a crowd who lived by the rule "nothing good happens after 10:00 PM". I was really questioning if I was in God's will with my life because even though I constantly prayed for direction, He was silent. As we sat around the kitchen table, my pseudo mother started talking about her struggles of the past year, and hopes for 2014. And just like that I could hear God's voice saying to me 'listen up good because this is exactly why I have you here'. 

She went on to talk about how God wants us to be fulfilled with our lives and experience joy in Him. We have to remember Satan is actively trying to distract us from all the joys and pleasures God has, and he won't stop until he feels he has destroyed you. He is powerful, but he is not more powerful than the Lord. It is our responsibility to claim God's promise of victory over the power of satan. We have to surrender everything to the Lord, and whatever we hold back, satan will use to drive us away from God, the ONLY one who can provide true happiness. The Lord knows that our flesh is weak and we struggle, doubt, fear and become weary, but that is why He provided the best possible way of escape. He wants us to "cast our cares on Him" (1 Peter 5:7) and reminds us "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me" (phil 4:13). 

We concluded that the word of 2014 would be 'anticipate'. Anticipating with the confidence of fulfillment. 

In a month or a week or a day when you are feeling really discouraged, just remember that we don't have to wait until next year to have a fresh start. God's mercies are new every morning, and He makes us new every day. 

And He said to all, "If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me." Luke 9:23

Cinque Terre, Italy

When Tragedy Rains

Title Inspiration

I think Benjamin Mee put this feeling to words best, after he lost his wife to cancer and had to face life again.

  "But I didn't know what to do to put it right, and each time I contemplated tackling it, it left me feeling like I was running across the Sahara in lead shoes with a plastic bag over my head." 

If this describes you at one time or maybe today- keep reading. If not, congratulations.

For the first time in my entire life I have been able to embrace tragedy. Not like, oh yes please give me more this is so fun I love this. No. But I have noticed a remarkable pattern in my life. When tragedy has knocked on my door, I had a number of responses to the situation. But every time it was all said and done, and I had the chance to look back at what I had just gone through, I realized I had honestly come out a better version of myself. Praise God. I didn't always have the right response to hard things, but every time I made the conscious decision to trust God even though it was incredibly difficult, it always worked out to be in my favor. That's the beauty in tragedy.

James 1:2-4

    "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have it's full effect, that you may be perfect and complete lacking nothing." 

I think we go through hell on earth and it makes us who we are- better or worse that is up to you. I would never be who I am today if it wasn't for all the tragedy that slept with me at night. But I am proud of the person I am today. I wouldn't want to be anyone else. I think all the happy times we have in life become the memories that inspire us to keep on living. Because the good times are so sweet we would live one more day just to feel that way again.

I want to look back on every tragedy and confidently say "I trusted God through that". I can confidently say right now that God has worked everything out in my life just the way He wanted it, even when I didn't understand. So why is this time any different? It's not. Even though I have no idea what He is doing, I know He is doing something. And I know it is gonna be great.

1 Peter 1:6-9

⁶ In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, ⁷ so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. ⁸ Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, ⁹ obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls

Knowing God's providence is understanding that it doesn't all have to make sense, but to realize there is a greater purpose He is accomplishing through you because of it.

I know God is going to give me the best. I know that because He always has. In my finite mind, what I am going through is a new tragedy I have to overcome. One that I don't understand, one that came straight out of a perfectly blue sky and now appears to be a black layer of clouds stretching into my future and beyond.

But to God, this is an opportunity for me to trust Him, grow closer to Him, and He knew all about this long before it happened. He also knows when it will end, how I will feel tomorrow, and how much I will change because of it. The most important truth I cling to is God loves me and has so much in store for me, I just need to trust Him and love Him back. It is a struggle every day to not give up, and be angry at God for not removing this heartache right now. He has brought me thus far, He isn't going to abandon me now. And I know I can't live without Him.

“I walked a mile with Pleasure;

She chatted all the way;
But left me none the wiser
For all she had to say.

I walked a mile with Sorrow;

And ne’er a word said she;

But, oh! The things I learned from her,

When Sorrow walked with me.”

- Robert Browning 

Adventures of an Indigenous Au pair:

            Experiments                
                                                            

                                                                             Title Inspiration

   
         Last week was beeaauuutiful. We spent most of our days swimming at the pool and relaxing.

I'm trying to get Roman to swim across the pool in the "deep" end. I can still touch so it must not be that deep. One of the advantages of still being taller than him, but not for much longer. So far he has made it half way!

         Of course we did have a few rainy spells..

But we managed to keep ourselves entertained :) 

You would be surprised how very entertaining dry ice can be. It is a fun science experiment too. We learned how dry ice doesn't melt into a liquid like normal ice hence why it is called dry ice. It evaporates into a gas when it "melts". And it all costed about $2. 

Also it makes crazy screaming noises.

So we took turns trying to do cool things with it.

If your feeling stuck go get some dry ice (don't touch it with your fingers!) and put it in a bowl of warm water or spray it with a hose in the lawn. I guarantee your kids will be entertained. Or do something creative with corn starch. That's always been a good, cheap entertainment tool as well.

I understand sometimes being a nanny can make you feel, well... trapped. Make sure you take 5 (or 20) for yourself today and everyday.

Be inspired by the most Creative One of all!

Psalm 42 

As a deer pants for flowing streams,

so pants my soul for you, O God.

2 My soul thirsts for God,

for the living God.

When shall I come and appear before God?

3 My tears have been my food

day and night,

while they say to me all the day long,

“Where is your God?”

4 These things I remember,

as I pour out my soul:

how I would go with the throng

and lead them in procession to the house of God

with glad shouts and songs of praise,

a multitude keeping festival.

5 Why are you cast down, O my soul,

and why are you in turmoil within me?

Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,

my salvation 6 and my God.

My soul is cast down within me;

therefore I remember you

from the land of Jordan and of Hermon,

from Mount Mizar.

7 Deep calls to deep

at the roar of your waterfalls;

all your breakers and your waves

have gone over me.

8 By day the Lord commands his steadfast love,

and at night his song is with me,

a prayer to the God of my life.

9 I say to God, my rock:

“Why have you forgotten me?

Why do I go mourning

because of the oppression of the enemy?”

10 As with a deadly wound in my bones,

my adversaries taunt me,

while they say to me all the day long,

“Where is your God?”

11 Why are you cast down, O my soul,

and why are you in turmoil within me?

Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,

my salvation and my God.

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Adventures of an Indigenous Au pair:

                                 Totaled


Last week started out just like any other, better even.

             Golf lessons..

Golf was at WBL high school, and it was so obvious that the instructor was head coach for the high school team. It was so funny to watch him get his undies in a wad over poor form as the kids hacked away at the golf balls. They starred at him blankly as he drilled them with questions about lining up with the ball, keeping your shoulders squared, one foot forward and so on. And they thought golf was a FUN sport. 

So funny

Roman and I went on a bike ride during one afternoon at the beginning of that week. It was all fun and games until one of us (I'll never tell who) ran into a parked car and toppled over. Guess we need a little more practice.

About the second day of golf, I saw Roman befriending another kid in the class so of course I - being the overly involved and assertive nanny - snatched this golden opportunity for Roman to play with someone his age! Since Roman is an only child, any opportunity to interact with other kids is key. Especially in the summer since he isn't seeing all his regular friends and classmates every day. So I set up a play date with John's (new friend!) grandmother who watches him during the afternoons.




After Golf lessons we went to their house, I dropped Roman off, and headed to Panera to kill a few hours. I got some stuff done online, grabbed coffee with a friend, it was great. Great day. Then I left to pick up Roman from his friend's house.



                    And then..

The rest of my week consisted of phone calls, rental cars, favors from friends, endless prayers.. I had to say goodbye to Roy. I never realized how attached to that car I was until now. But I guess it makes sense. In a lot of ways that car represented a home to me. It toted around me and all my stuff to every destination. My faithful companion for every adventure life took me. It was the first car I ever bought. I worked hard to make it all mine, paid for every penny. I was proud of it. It represented a big jump into adulthood for me. And now I have to move on?! I know from experience God always brings along something better. But that doesn't make goodbyes any easier.



Mostly I am just very very very very thankful Roman was not in the car when it happened.



It feels like I just bit into a lemon. I know it is gonna be good for me, but the bitterness is overwhelming.

(So many benefits to lemons apparently..)

http://www.beliefnet.com/Health/Physical-Health/Hidden-Health-Secrets-of-Lemons.aspx?p=7

Well since I know that I'll never look back on a difficult time in life wishing I had trusted God less, I am determined to thank God for an opportunity to grow, no matter how bitter it tastes. He is sending me lots of these lately.

If you have the Bible app, there is a great study I just finished. It's a devotional called 15 days in the Word with John Piper. It goes in depth to a lot of basic truths.

The last day was entitled "The Logic of Fearlessness." Every day is a challenge to let go of fear. Especially when you find yourself thinking,

                              


                                             wow my life looks totaled.

   Philippians 1:27, 29

"27 Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. Then, whether I come and see you or only hear about you in my absence, I will know that you stand firm in the one Spirit,[e] striving together as one for the faith of the gospel.
 29 For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in him, but also to suffer for him,"


   Piper says:

"Therefore, fear not. Your adversaries can do no more than God grants. And He will grant you the faith you need. These promises are blood bought and sealed. Gospel Promises."

Not only is my life and future in complete control by God, but my problems are too. When I look at my problems I only see a huge boulder rolling down a hill at me about to crush my bones. But God sees an opportunity for me to trust Him. Because He knew this was going to happen all along, and He knows exactly how it's going to end. This leaves no room for my fear. Logic is telling me my life is totaled. God is telling me my life is a treasure.

This week Roman has animation camp every morning, so look forward to some interesting stories next week. Life is never boring around here. Plan to be surprised.

Adventures of an Indigenous Au pair:

       Creative Endeavors 

 It was actually Roman who first called me his Au pair. I just took it and ran. After 3 years, nanny started sounding dry and lame-o. Au pair sounds much more exciting and adventurous. So now I make him call me his Au pair, and it fits much better. I had to add indigenous because an Au pair is always foreign, and I wouldn't exactly call a 20 minute drive to work a road trip to a different country although with construction this summer...

       Watching children requires a tbsp of patience, a cup of kid-at-heart a lot of creativity- how to have fun without dropping 1 mil. Although only having one kid to watch has its many perks (never any fighting, everyone shares nicely, 1 idea of what to do instead of 8) I have to be extra creative to keep us entertained. With one week down and many more to go, I'd say our first week was a big success! Maybe you can glean some ideas off of us, to help make the summer last longer.

        Roman and I stopped by our favorite bagel shop while we waited for the guys at the garage to change the oil on ol' Roy. That was an adventure in and of itself. I'm pretty sure the guy who changed my oil was the same outdoor parks security actor from that episode of Parks and Rec. HE TALKED SO LOUD and he even kinda looked like him too.

         Big Apple Bagel is attached to a flower shop so we decided to explore their greenhouse. Roman is interested in photography, so every chance we get we are taking pictures and practicing framing and focusing and so on. Its great to impart what little knowledge I have on the subject to someone who eats up my every word. Plus flowers are the perfect first subject because they are nearly impossible to mess up.

I love stumbling onto hidden gems like, i don't know... a greenhouse where fairies and unicorns live. 


                         yep.

We couldn't help but get all excited about the fascination of flowers and decide to plant some of our own. There is just something so fulfilling about watching a seed grow from a little piece of nothing into something unexplainably beautiful. It's rewarding to stop and literally smell the roses.

Wednesday we took a trip to downtown Minneapolis and explored the Walker Art Center. It's one of those "I can't believe I've lived here my whole life and never been" kind of places. We walked around the sculpture gardens, and learned about weird modern art, sometimes just staring at a piece of art trying to interpret what it means. Art is complicated and very simple at the same time. Just like life. But it was free and took up most of the day and so fun! So go explore that one place in your city you've been meaning to visit your whole life.

                 
                                             Guess how much that cherry weighs.........

....Wrong! 1200 pounds! yikes

lil' superstar doodle

On Friday Roman and I were invited to go to the splash pad with Heather (sis) and her kids. After getting on all our swim gear,  and hauling down to Burnsville, we rode with Heather and company to the splash pad, took about 10 windy cold steps from the car to the water and turned around. We spent that icky day in the mall instead.

Which one is the weirdest? 

Well Roman has golf camp this week during the morning, so I'll be spending some quality time at Caribou. I hope this inspires all you Au Pairs with some creative ideas! And we are always looking for things to do besides minecraft and other computer-related things. So if you have any ideas... 

         In the meantime happy Au pair-ing!  or something

Worth It

Title Inspiration

No matter where life takes us (which is almost never where we planned it to go), I am reminded once again of God's enduring faithfulness. Here it is, almost exactly a year later and only a few blog entries later, and I am learning that life does not get easier when we think we have it all. Because sooner or later we will lose it all, and be left with all the mistakes we made.

I have made mistakes. So many. Thankfully God's forgiveness doesn't run dry, and His mercies are new every morning, whether I choose to accept them or not. I can't help but feel incredibly ungrateful for letting so many days slip by without giving Him thanks. I have so many obvious needs that have been fulfilled faithfully by Him each day, and I know countless unseen needs He is always providing. And yet there are days when I somehow find myself subconsciously thinking He isn't enough. I need more. I need more?

 I've chased love and watched it vanish into thin air right in front of my eyes. More times than I care to count. I guess that's the thing about love. It can't be held, and it can't be contained. It certainly can't be captured and formed to fit our desires. Love is not limited by what we want, but exceeds our every need, even the ones we never knew existed. And completely free.

               "By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down
                        our lives for the brothers." - 1 John 3:16

Literally? Physically lay down our lives for our brothers? In some cases, I think so. But every day I think this is applicable in a less literal sense. Sacrificing our own needs, whether that be time, money, prayer, or a listening ear. We are the body of Christ, and if one hand is broken, then the other hand should go out of it's way to do twice as much work. The body cannot function one part separate from the rest, we cannot walk this world alone.

God has given me an incredible amount of  endurance to get through the tests He has made specifically for me, and be able to come out of them closer to Him. I cling to the cross in times like these because my flesh wants to give up. My flesh loses all hope and desire to push on. But my hope comes from the LORD, and I can rest assured that He will fulfill His promise to work it all out for His glory, and to be with me every step of the way.

Life is hard. No, thats a major understatement. Life is impossible. I need supernatural strength just to get through the day. But you should know, I will always fight for love.

       

       When I first created my blog I wanted it to be about my day to day adventures. I wanted to expose and record all the different roles life has me play. Aunt, nanny, sister, bridesmaid, student, child, and adult. But as I sat down to blog my hopeful first of manys I found it impossible to write a whole segment. I couldn't find enough words to make the blog worth reading. So I put it on the shelf to let my thoughts brew. When I finally did write my first entry, it wasn't at all what I had anticipated. I just sat down and wrote what was on my heart. 

        I've finally realized that I didn't need to think of a theme for my blog at all. I had one all along I just never knew it. The thing that inspires me most, and what I want to share with you is always along the same lines. It is consistently what God has been doing in me. If you wanted to know about how my day was or what I'm doing this week, you can just ask me. But the thing I want to share, the thing I want to put in front of you, is encouragement through reading the revelations of a suffering sojourner. I only have a restless desire to unburden myself with words meant to be shared when God is moving in me. That's my theme, hand picked by the King Himself.

        I could go on for pages and pages about living in Italy. The people I've met, the places I've been, or the things I've experienced. But none of it is worth your time, in comparison to what God has taught me through the months of growth here in Firenze. If there is one phrase I have found myself repeating, its that sometimes 

"I regret the day I prayed for God to help me see the world through His eyes" 

        Italy is too beautiful and magical and wonderful for simply words. Which is why taking pictures makes so much more sense than using words. Even pictures don't do justice as you already know. It has been so life changing to live here and learn about the culture and the people and the world. I have had more adventures in the last three months than most people have in a lifetime. 

But it hasn't been all majestic beauty and indescribable experiences. 

Firenze 

        Being surrounded by a world of people who are lost and unmistakably slaves to sin has been more than I can bear. I have consistently battled against feelings of inadequacy of being a light in darkness, and a testimony to bring those people to Christ. Every beautiful place I am privileged to visit is tainted by the knowledge that so many people I am surrounded by don't have the hope that I do. My only sustaining joy has been the constant reminders that God is bigger and stronger than me and my failures. How thankful I am to call myself a child of God. 

Romans 8

³⁷ No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. ³⁸ For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers,³⁹ nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. 

        I find encouragement knowing that this walk on the narrow path is not supposed to be easy. We are not called to live a carefree life, ignorant of the reality of the lost world we live in. We have been called to follow in the footsteps of Jesus Christ who suffered the greatest of all. 

Paris

 Colossians 1

²⁹ For this I toil, struggling with all his energy that he powerfully works within me.

        I had the great privilege of seeing the jail in Rome where the Apostle Paul and Peter were both imprisoned. How much faith Paul must have had to be in Jail, but be burdened only to implore his churches to be strong in their faith and continue to spread the gospel. How I long for a testimony like Paul! 

My only prayer is that God will use this broken vessel to complete His perfect work. In that I am sufficiently at peace. 

Amsterdam